If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
