How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
