you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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