I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Farmville is her only friend.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
