i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
