last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
