You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
