so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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