There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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