P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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