The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
