Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
