I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
