Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
