they need to just BURY HIM!
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
