I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
