Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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