honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize