Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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