How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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