I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
