I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
