My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
