thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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