Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
