Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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