There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
