I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
