you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
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