All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
