It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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