Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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