I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
