just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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