When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
