i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
There r osticjed everywhere
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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