Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
