if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
now i know why i became what i already was.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
