Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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