Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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