on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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