I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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