he puts the penis in happiness.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
