Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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