But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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