I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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