It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
a search helicopter?!
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I would fuck him just for his dog
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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