Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
