I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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