I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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