i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
