The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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