I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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