I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
