This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Boobs are out for the taking
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The Olympian is in my bed
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
