That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
