You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
