Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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