So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
