I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
