peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
