If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
